A funny thing happened....again.

irish colleen wrote:

Wait fer me...that looks like great craic...

Come away with me, Colleen...........we'll be funny Irish people together!!!

Irish Rebel wrote:

irish colleen wrote:

Wait fer me...that looks like great craic...

Come away with me, Colleen...........we'll be funny Irish people together!!!

I love you but I told you before...You're not my type....stop propositioning me in public..

irish colleen wrote:

I love you but I told you before...You're not my type....stop propositioning me in public..

I'm just practising my lines....I'm off out on Saturday with the girls and I'm a bit rusty

Then go to FB and read Seb's wall, plenty of lines you can use on there

Poor Seb

I guess this is the right place... I just got sent this by a cousin and had to laugh and totally agree. Hope y'all think so...

'Aint that the feckin' truth....

I agree

That was feckin hilarious....and loved where they put (idiot) in brackets to explain what an eejit was

I loved the part where they had to jump out because they hadn't paid to use the stairs.... and of course the chorus 'Feck,Feck,Feckity,Feck...

The 'lil' dance was funny too

Loki-- wasn't that the flight you came over on from Wales??

Love it Lea-- thanks for sharing- I just read the email and was going to post it here too!!!


Ree

Ree wrote:

Loki-- wasn't that the flight you came over on from Wales??

Nah, I paid more than 50p for mine, I was actually allowed to walk up AND down the steps, being disabled, I was first on as well

SPAGHETTI

For several years, a man was having an affair with an Italian woman.

One night, she confided in him that she was pregnant.

Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he said he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child.

If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18.

She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born..

To keep it discreet, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write 'Spaghetti' on the back. He would then arrange for the child support payments to begin.

One day, about 9 months later, he came home to his confused wife.

'Honey, she said, 'you received a very strange post card today.'

'Oh, just give it to me and I'll explain it later,' he said.

The wife obeyed and watched as her husband read the card, turned white, and fainted.

On the card was written:

Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti.

Three with meatballs, two without.

Send extra sauce.

It is clean I promise


A good looking man walked into an agent's office

in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie
star."



Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he
had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's
your name?"


The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."


The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in
order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have
to change your name."


"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is
centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather
by changing my name. Not ever."


The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for
years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a
name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you
will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able
to represent you."


"So be it! I guess we will not do business
together," the guy said and he left the agent's
office.


FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope
sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter
and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck,
who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the
letter enclosed...


Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to
become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed
to change my name. Determined to make it with my
God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I
would never make it in Hollywood with a name like
Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I
thought about what you said. I decided you were
right. I had to change my name. I had too much
pride to return to your office, so I signed with
another agent. I would never have made it without
changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token
of my appreciation.


Thank you for your advice.


Sincerely,


Dick van Dyke


(I don't care who you are, that's funny)

I never saw that coming ( ) errm, no pun intended

Ree wrote:

It is clean I promise


A good looking man walked into an agent's office

in Hollywood and said, "I want to be a movie
star."



Tall, handsome, and with experience on Broadway, he
had the right credentials. The agent asked, "What's
your name?"


The guy said, "My name is Penis van Lesbian."


The agent said, "Sir, I hate to tell you, but in
order to get into Hollywood, you are going to have
to change your name."


"I will NOT change my name! The van Lesbian name is
centuries old, I will not disrespect my grandfather
by changing my name. Not ever."


The agent said, "Sir, I have worked in Hollywood for
years...you will NEVER go far in Hollywood with a
name like Penis van Lesbian! I'm telling you, you
will HAVE TO change your name or I will not be able
to represent you."


"So be it! I guess we will not do business
together," the guy said and he left the agent's
office.


FIVE YEARS LATER......The agent opens an envelope
sent to his office. Inside the envelope is a letter
and a check for $50,000. The agent is awe-struck,
who would possibly send him $50,000? He reads the
letter enclosed...


Dear Sir,
Five years ago, I came into your office wanting to
become an actor in Hollywood, you told me I needed
to change my name. Determined to make it with my
God-given birth name, I refused. You told me I
would never make it in Hollywood with a name like
Penis van Lesbian. After I left your office, I
thought about what you said. I decided you were
right. I had to change my name. I had too much
pride to return to your office, so I signed with
another agent. I would never have made it without
changing my name, so the enclosed check is a token
of my appreciation.


Thank you for your advice.


Sincerely,


Dick van Dyke


(I don't care who you are, that's funny)

That's funny...

I doubt very much it will actually happen like this

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!!......
OH YEAH BABY..... all the royals gettin' funky with it...
I doubt it tho'...it just wouldn't be cricket old chap...
It'll be the same old...
'Do you Katie take...
William,George,Henry,Albert,Charles,James,John,Arthur,Fredrick,Thomas,Cecil,Tristam,Goeffry,Cedric....etc...to be your lawful wedded husband and vow to turn a blind eye to his extra-marital activity...which by order of HRH is his right should he please to stray....(in other words you will keep your mouth shut and not write books and do TV interviews )..and do you swear to NOT MAKE HOLY SHOW OF US.... (like Fergie did.. )....and never have your toes sucked in public by an inferior... and in return you will be forever known as a 'blue blood'...(by transfusion of course.. ) and in return you can travel the world,wear fab clothes and basically lounge in luxury at the expense of the Commoner...
Katie...OH I WILL....I DO....that's a great deal... just give me my Tiara and get on with it....

I won't be watching...

Spot on Colleen LOL

I hear Fergie is not invited to the wedding, apparently they don't feel she is worthy to be there, she's considered an embarassment I hear........erm excuse me isn't Price Charles and his fugly wife a bigger embarassment? I just don't get why in this day and age we still have families who sponge off their people, living is such wealth that came from their people's hard work, none of their own....why? With all the poverty around and people who cannot afford health care, food on their tables.......and this big bash coming up.......millions of dollars being spent....to me it's digusting. jmo of course.

I actually like Camilla and in fairness to Prince Charles, he works hard running his estates in Cornwall, not afraid to get stuck in and get dirty, and his biggest plus, is the fact he is very environmentally aware and in touch with the earth.

I also like Fergie too, and shall enjoy all the pomp and ceremony on the day, not because I a royalist or anything like that, but if it one thing the monarchy can do, is put on a show.

There's not a person in this world who hasn't made a mistake or an error of judgement. Fortunately for us, we aren't being "royally" flogged in public for them (pardon the pun ).

Irish Rebel wrote:

There's not a person in this world who hasn't made a mistake or an error of judgement. Fortunately for us, we aren't being "royally" flogged in public for them (pardon the pun ).

yew mean the Oors is NOT pURSfect

Quote :

I got some new aftershave today that smells like bread crumbs , the birds love it!

David Cameron has announced that he intends to make it more difficult to claim benefits. From next week all the forms will be printed in Englis

I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself ‘that guy’s heading for a breakdown’.

An RAF fighter plane was flying over Afghanistan when he noticed a flying carpet on each side of his plane both with a machine gunner on board. Sensing danger he shot them down. Back at base he got a right bollocking – apparently they were Allied Carpets!

On holiday recently in Spain I saw a sign that said ‘English speaking Doctor’ - I thought what a good idea, why don’t we have them in our country.

The lead actor in the local pantomime Aladdin was sexually abused from behind on stage last night. To be fair the audience did try to warn him.

Just remember, I never wrote them

The Hairdryer

In parochial school students are taught that lying is a sin. However, instructions also advised that using a bit of imagination was OK to express the truth differently without lying. Below is a perfect example of those teachings:

Getting a Hairdryer Through Customs.

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest beside her, 'Father, may I ask a favour?' '

'Of course child. What may I do for you?'

'Well, I bought my mother an expensive hairdryer for her birthday. It is unopened, but well over the Customs limit, and I'm afraid they will confiscate it. Is there anyway you could carry it through Customs for me? Hide it under your robes perhaps?

'I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.'

'With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.'

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first.

The official asked, 'Father, do you have anything to declare?'

'From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.'

The official thought this answer strange, so asked, 'And what do you have to declare from your waist to the floor?'

'I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman, but which is, to date, unused.'

Roaring with laughter, the official said, 'Go ahead, Father. Next!'

10 Years..........Trillions of dollars....thousands of soldiers dead....state of the art technology and the USA finally found Bin Laden.
In his house.

A middle-aged woman seemed sheepish as she visited her gynecologist.


"Come now," coaxed the doctor, "you've been seeing me for years. There's nothing you can't tell me."

"This one's kind of strange," the woman said.

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor replied.

"Well," she said, "yesterday I went to the bathroom in the morning and heard a plink-plink-plink in the toilet. When I looked down, the water was full of pennies."

"I see," commented the doctor calmly.

"That afternoon, I went to the bathroom again and, plink-plink-plink, there were 5p pieces in the bowl," the woman continued.


"That night," she went on, "I went again, and plink-plink-plink, there were 50p's. This morning, there were £1 coins!"


"You've got to tell me what's wrong with me!" she implored. "I'm scared out of my wits!"

The gynecologist put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "There, there, it's nothing to be scared about," he said.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(Ready for this?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

(I'm warning you.....)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



"You're simply going through the change!"

Observations On Growing Older:

Your Kids are becoming you and you don't like them, but your grandchildren are Perfect!

Going Out is good, but coming home is better!

You Forget names, but it's OK because other people forgot they even knew you!!!

You realize you're never going to be really good at anything, especially Golf.

Your spouse is counting on you to remember things you don't remember.

The things you used to care to do, you no longer care to do, but you really do care that you don't care to do them anymore.

Your husband sleeps better on a lounge chair with the TV blaring than he does in bed. It's Called " Pre-sleep".

You miss the days when everything worked with just an " ON" and " OFF" Switch..

You tend to use more 4 letter words ... " what?", when?"... ???

Now that you can afford expensive jewelry, it's not safe to wear it anywhere.

You notice everything sold in stores is " sleeveless" !!!!

What used to be freckles are now liver spots.

Everybody Whispers.

Now that your husband has retired, you'd give anything if he'd find a job!

You have 3 sizes of clothes in your closet, 2 of which you will never wear.

But Old is good in some things: Old songs, Old movies, and best of all, OLD FRIENDS!!

It's Not What You Gather, But What You Scatter That Tells What Kind Of Life You Have Lived !

Now ain't that the truth

Both are excellent Loki!!!!


Ree