A funny thing happened....again.

Irish Rebel wrote:

I heard a good one today....

Quote :

'When a woman says 'What'.. it doesn't mean she hasn't heard you it means she is giving you an opportunity to change what you just said'...

Correct....

Irish Rebel wrote:

I heard a good one today....

Quote :

'When a woman says 'What'.. it doesn't mean she hasn't heard you it means she is giving you an opportunity to change what you just said'...

Correct....

irish colleen wrote:

I heard a good one today....

Quote :

'When a woman says 'What'.. it doesn't mean she hasn't heard you it means she is giving you an opportunity to change what you just said'...

Correct....

I'm gonna use that one

Jesus and his disciples are sitting around a table discussing the current problem of drugs in todays society, when Jesus decides that the only way to get an understanding of the problem is to actually try the drugs for themselves. So Jesus sends his disciples out to the four corners of the earth to bring back a variety of narcotics for testing.

Several weeks later the first disciple arrives back. There's a knock on the door.

...
"Peter, you have returned and what have you brought for us."

"My Lord! from Morrocco I have brought some Hash."

"We'll done Peter."

Another knock on the door.

"Simon, what have you brought back from your travels?"

"My Lord! I have brought some Marijuana from the rain forests of Brazil."

Another knock on the door.

"John, what have you brought?"

"My Lord! I have brought cocaine from Columbia"

Another knock on the door.

"James! what have you brought?"

"My Lord! from the mountains of Nepal I've brouht heroin."

Another knock on the door.

"Mathew, what have you brought?"

"My Lord! from New York city I have brought some crack."

Then finally there's a knock on the door and Judas arrives.

And Jesus asks? Judas, what have you brought?


"The FBI, you motherfuckers, this is a bust!"

Hey-hey-now!!! watch the redneck jokes

from Brian's mom

Once again this year, I’ve had requests for my Tequila Chanukah Cake recipe so here goes. Please keep in your files as I am beginning to get tired of typing this up every year! (Made mine this morning!!!!) 1 cup sugar, 1 tsp. baking powder, 1 cup water, 1 tsp. salt , 1 cup brown sugar, Lemon juice, 4 large eggs, Nuts, 1 bottle tequila, 2 cups dried fruit.

Sample a cup of tequila to check quality!
Take a large bowl, check the tequila again to be sure it is of the highest quality then Repeat. Turn on the electric mixer. Beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add 1 teaspoon of sugar. Beat again. At this point, it is best to make sure the tequila is still OK. Try another cup just in case. Turn off the mixerer thingy. Break 2 eegs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit. Pick the fruit up off the floor, wash it and put it in the bowl a piece at a time trying to count it. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit getas stuck in the beaterers, just pry it loose with a drewscriver Sample the tequila to test for tonsisticity. Next, sift 2 cups of salt, or something. Check the tequila. Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts. Add one table. Add a spoon of sugar, or somefink. Whatever you can find. Greash the oven. Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over. Don't forget to beat off the turner. Finally, throw the bowl through the window. Finish the tequila and wipe the counter with the cat..... :)

Now then Mizz Reb, get you hence to see Father McGorgeous

Ree, now get up off the floor and sober up

Both brilliant

Working people frequently ask retired people what they do to make their days interesting. Well, for example, the other day, Mary, my wife and I went into town and visited a shop.
When we came out, there was a cop writing out a parking ticket.
We went up to him and I said, 'Come on, man, how about giving a senior citizen a break?'
He ignored us and continued writing the ticket.
I called him an a**ehole . He glared at me and started writing another ticket for having worn-out tyres.
So Mary called him a W***er. He finished the second ticket and put it on the windshield with the first. Then he started writing more tickets. This went on for about 20 minutes.
The more we abused him, the more tickets he wrote.
Just then our bus arrived, and we got on it and went home.

We try to have a little fun each day now that we're retired.
It's important at our age.

On topic

Irish Rebel wrote:

On topic

This should be posted on the OF

Thanksgiving here in two days.....had to share one of my favorite movie characters

Medea and her Thanksgiving shout out.

Gotta love Maxine

I actually understood everything Madea said....
I don't like turkey so I'm going to try one of those churkey thangs...

I understood to

Gotta luuuurve Maxine too




WHO IS JACK SCHITT?

For some time many of us have wondered just who is Jack Schitt?

We find ourselves at a loss when someone says, 'You don't know Jack Schitt'!
Well, thanks to my genealogy efforts, you can now respond in an intellectual way.

Jack Schitt is the only son of Awe Schitt.
Awe Schitt, the fertilizer magnate, who married O. Schitt, the owner of Needeep N. Schitt, Inc.
They had one son, Jack.
In turn, Jack Schitt married Noe Schitt.
The deeply religious couple produced six children:
Holie Schitt, Giva Schitt, Fulla Schitt, Bull Schitt, and the twins Deep Schitt and Dip Schitt.
Against her parents' objections, Deep Schitt married Dumb Schitt, a high school dropout.
After being married 15 years, Jack and Noe Schitt divorced.
Noe Schitt later married Ted Sherlock, and because her kids were living with them, she wanted to
keep her previous name. She was then known as Noe Schitt Sherlock.
Meanwhile, Dip Schitt married Loda Schitt, and they produced a son with a rather nervous
disposition named Chicken Schitt.
Two of the other six children, Fulla Schitt and Giva Schitt, were inseparable throughout childhood and subsequently married the Happens brothers in a dual ceremony.
The wedding announcement in the newspaper announced the Schitt-Happens nuptials.
The Schitt-Happens children were Dawg, Byrd, and Horse.
Bull Schitt, the prodigal son, left home to tour the world.
He recently returned from Italy with his new Italian bride, Pisa Schitt.
Now when someone says, You don't know Jack Schitt, you can correct them.
Sincerely,
Crock O. Schitt

NOTE: PLEASE PASS THIS ON TO ANYONE WHO NEEDS A LAUGH.
REMEMBER: LAUGHING LOWERS THE BLOOD PRESSURE

Loki.....My eldest is roarin at this



THE OLDER WOMAN

"I ended up with an older woman at a club last night. She looked OK for a 61 year-old.
In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking that she probably had a really hot daughter.
...


We drank a bit, and had a bit of a snuggle, and then she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double.

'What's that?' I asked. 'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said. I said, 'No,' - excitedly.

We drank a bit more, then she says that tonight was 'my lucky night'. I went back to her place.

She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs: '

Mum, you still awake?' "

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically

telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet

Paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." Willing to try anything,

I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing

it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my

breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again,

although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

Worked for me!

Sleigh bells ring

Are you listenin'

In the lane

Snow is glistenin'

A beautiful sight

We're happy tonight

Noooooooooooooo

Irish Rebel wrote:

Mum, you still awake?' "

Bridge wrote:

Irish Rebel wrote:

Mum, you still awake?' "

YOU'RE BACK!!!! WHOOOOOP!!! Here's one for you to use as a screen saver at work

Ree wrote:

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the mirror complaining to my

husband that my breasts are too small. Instead of characteristically

telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically comes up with a suggestion.

"If you want your breasts to grow, then every day take a piece of toilet

Paper and rub it between them for a few seconds." Willing to try anything,

I fetch a piece of toilet paper and stand in front of the mirror, rubbing

it between my breasts. "How long will this take?" I ask.

"They will grow larger over a period of years," my husband replies.

I stopped. "Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet paper between my

breasts every day will make my breasts larger over the years?"

Without missing a beat he says, "Worked for your butt didn't it?"

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy he may even walk again,

although he will probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

Stupid, stupid man

So funny.....

Irish Rebel wrote:

Sleigh bells ring

Are you listenin'

In the lane

Snow is glistenin'

A beautiful sight

We're happy tonight

So corny it's funny....